HOW IT IS LIKE TO BE A KENYAN WOMAN

What it is like to be a young Kenyan lady

The Kenyan girl is brought up being taught to sit with her legs crossed, she is taught to cover her body, preserve her virginity till marriage…girls are taught shame. She grows up feeling guilty. She is raised to be a woman not as a compliment.In this context, being a woman means she should not have desires, she is raised up to silence herself, she can’t say what she wants to say or what she truly wants to say without feeling apologetic for it. We are taught to pretend, like all our lives!
Girls are brought up to aspire to marriage. I am not an anti-marriage activist but…..hey! Cut us some slack!
When a girl reaches a certain age and she is not married yet, she is made to consider it as a huge personal failure. If the same case is a man, it will be brushed off like “maybe he has not found the right catch yet”
After graduating, you're reminded of how time isn't on your side. That means people are praying that with your graduation from the university comes a good job and a good husband. That prayer irritates me! Hey! It's my graduation party; praying for a good job seems more appropriate. Can we leave out the husband matter, for now? Marriage is painted as the next big thing. 
The society has painted a virtual image of a perfect woman and c’mon, who doesn’t want to have it all? We all strive to be her. Sometime back, there was a trend about men looking for the proverbs 31 woman. I don’t know where our men reached with the search.
Girls are raised up to see each other as competition. Not for jobs or ambition or accomplishments! If it was to be in that context, the world would be a beautiful place!. Girls grow up as competitors for the attention of men.
Girls are raised up to cater for men’s weak egos. We are taught to not be a threat to men. We are allowed to be successful but not too successful, have ambition but not too much ambition. When a woman is the breadwinner in her marriage, she is supposed to pretend like she is not, especially in public. Why should my success be a threat to my man?
In most cases, when you hear a woman say “I did it for the sake of peace in my marriage” it involves giving up of her dream, her career, maybe even a job! Girls grow up being taught to always compromise. Like compromising is all we do!
If a man was to say the same statement, it would be to prove his masculinity or how needed or loved he is. During the TEDx talk given by Adichie in 2013” we should all be feminist”, she used a very funny example of a situation where a guy says “my wife says I can’t go clubbing every night, so, for peace in my marriage, I only do it on weekends”. This is the typical language of marriage, in this era!
A girl is brought up with the notion that “Kama hujui kupika buana yako atakufkuza” (if you don’t know how to cook your husband will send you packing from your matrimonial home.In my experience, majority of the best chefs in Kenya are men. So if there’s a cooking gene……..ha-ha!-no fingers pointed.
That should give you an idea of the why. I blame the society, the society and the society. The expectations on us females are overwhelming!! 
All these things shouldn't get to a young woman. It's not easy, but you shouldn't let the society pressurize you. A million times over, I will choose to build a career before getting married. By build, I don't mean getting to the peak. I mean getting started. 
We girls have been tossed to and fro with several cultural and religious doctrines. Many are confused. In the end, when you're 'regretting' any decision you make, culture and religion won't be there to rescue you. Trust me! Culture will laugh at you and religion will call you a sinner. Remember, culture does not make people, people make culture!
“The higher you go, the fewer women there are” Wangari Maathai
The ratio of women is higher compared to men’s in the world population yet men have achieved waay more and they rule the world.
Girls lets run this world!!
There are no hormones for leadership or greatness or accomplishments….it’s all about intelligence, innovation, ability, interest and creativity.
I thank my dear friend,Sarafina Robi for pushing me to watch Chimama Ngozi Adichie’s speech. It actually moved me to write this piece.
She is someone I can proudly refer to as my friend, because she makes me a better person in ways she does not know.
Chimama Ngozi Adichie’s speech in 2013 at TEDx”we should all be feminist” and Beyoncé’s song-run the world were the inspiration behind this. To these powerful women, I say THANK YOU!